Tonight, walking in the summer rain through the fields watching the landscape turn from blue to black while thunder gods rolled above, the memory of my old dog Chloe looked up at me with eyes that asked what keeps me going.
I told her “hope.” Sometimes hope is enough.
Hope that some day I will matter. Hope that something that I do or something that I say will get past all the hazy symbolism and actually register with someone. Hope that there can be a true tangible connection that does not end but goes on to the remaining days and to the remaining nights. Hope that some day, goodbye will be a forgotten word.
I continue for hope.
There is nothing in life that holds certainty. Just go follow your dreams, aspirations and goals, whether they are alone or in collaboration, put as much into them as you can and then while you are in it and while you are away from it, remember to enjoy moments of happiness and find beauty in moments of sorrow, both fleeting and that endure.
Out on this journey there will always be tolling bells and distress signals among victories. Even in the winter rain and summer mirages, believe that if you have dreamt of something, you already have what it takes to bring it to tangible reality. As long as you breath, you have much to offer.
In the end, when no moments remain, just the final exhale, the satisfaction that you will have or that you will not have, has nothing to do with retirement, achievement, personal gain or how many people know your name. It will have everything to do with how you lived.
Will you be remembered? What will you be remembered for? Will you leave something behind? Will those who knew you be proud to have known you for who you were in regards to them and for who you were in regards to yourself? Will you know that your contributions left this world better than it was before you existed?
Did you love deeply regardless of what you might get or might not get out of that? Did you look adversity in the eye and never give up? Did you finish what you started? Did you selflessly raise others up where you could?
Do you know that right now, this very moment, you have the choice to begin doing what you should be doing?
If I go down in flames I’ll do it up with that until there’s nothing left to smoulder. Just spent char and dust kicking in the wind. I never wanted to go halfway up a mountain with hope of seeing a fire someone else built in the distance.
I was walking with my dog out into the field to bring Stubby a carrot and she told me that if someone is fortunate enough to be able to share time with a better version of them-self, competition against love becomes a frivolous and foreign notion. The actuality of a deep and multifaceted connection where you feel the person imbedded into self is stronger than the need for escapes through entertaining diversions, career advancements or material gain. It is sacred and directs your being. Being near that person is the only truth that matters.
My dog Chloe and I were sitting under a plum tree in the orchard and she looked up at me and said that “failure begins where listening ends.”
My dog and I were sitting by the fire in the lanai and she told me that “like is someone you enjoy being with and you can talk to them about most things. It feels good. Like can pick up a conversation where it had left off months or years later.
Love, meaning fondness or acceptance is exchanged with a little more effort and it embodies sincerity. Love, an upgrade from like, is pleasant in an exchanging ice-cream at the park on a cozy blanket for two sort of way. With love, you do not need the blanket or the ice cream to enjoy the exchanging. Love is noticed when absent and you feel it when it is removed from you.
True love is better. True love inspires you to improve beyond your previous self and you begin to notice beauty that before, did not exist. True love is an adventure where you do not know the destination and that really does not matter.”
There is a two headed monster that follows me. The ancients named the monster Dragon. One of the heads whispers into my ear about doubt. It tells me that I am not good enough and that I do not deserve that which I find joy in. The other head encourages false bravado, arrogance and other negative outward aspects of ego that can be perceived by others. This morning, after my dog Chloe finished her breakfast, she pointed out that between the monsters two heads is a place where there could be a picnic. She thought that tasty sandwiches could be made from the soft spots on the back of the monsters neck. At least until the two heads fell off. And then, it would be time for an evening walk.
I once heard about a man who discovered when he was a little boy, that if he initiated his beatings at 9 pm, he would still be able to get enough sleep to be OK during school the next day. He has since become a great negotiator with unalienable principles that he puts to use for the betterment of community.
What ever happens in life, remember that the mind is so very pliable and we have no authentic excuses to be held back by circumstance. Destructive learned behaviors can be re-wired. When you have the urge to focus on chaos or to run away from something good or to avoid something that moves you forward in a positive direction, you can make yourself instead, go forward on your path to a better way of being and in time, the urge to run will be transformed into simply being at ease and allowing richer experiences to shape your present and to shape your future. The pauper and the king can both know the same amount of joy. There is much good in this world if you allow yourself to accept it.
My step-dad, always left me a way out when I was young and has never given me unasked for advise but rather, if I had a question, he would offer 3 courses of direction and their probable outcomes.
When I was 12, he explained to me about detractors and that has helped greatly. Now as an adult, detractors to me, are just silly. I can continue onward on my pursuit of bliss without being set back.
Also when I was 12, he said to me that I can believe things and that I can think things but what do I actually know. He asked me not to answer but instead to consider. I realized that I actually knew nothing. From there, from that moment, I have paid attention.